Obstacles to Joy, Part 1: Dealing with Exhaustion

This is the first in what will be a series of posts on overcoming obstacles that stand in the way of enjoying motherhood. I'm starting with what may very well be the biggest hurdle to overcome - at least for me! That obstacle is exhaustion. We've all been there, and we will all be there again. But how do you overcome it?

For starters, I think it's important to pinpoint the source. What's causing your exhaustion? Is your little one keeping you up at night? Have you been ill? Are you struggling to sleep at night? There are lots of reasons why you can be tired, and it's worth taking a closer look to figure it out.

If the source of your fatigue is your child, it may be time to look at a different sleep routine. I will start by saying that you should avoid trying to sleep train babies younger than 6 months old. They are little, their tummies are little, and frequent waking at night to eat is normal. If they are just waking for a cuddle and you're doing all the "right" things (keeping the lights off or very dim, speaking quietly, not making a lot of noise, and avoiding anything that would stimulate the baby into wakefulness) and the baby still won't sleep, then he or she may just need some reassuring that Mom is still nearby. Think about it; for nine months you carried your baby, and he/she was used to having constant warmth and closeness to you. It's natural for it to take some time for your baby to adjust to being on his or her own for longer periods of time. We've all heard the stories of the babies who start sleeping through the night at 3 weeks old - and you may have even had one of those babies before! It does not mean that you are doing a bad job or that your baby is abnormal if he or she is not one of those amazing sleepers. (If you have one of those babies, be thankful!)

Now, if you have an older baby or child who is not sleeping through the night yet and you have ruled out any possible medical issues, I recommend looking into sleep training techniques. We here at Joyful Motherhood are advocates for peaceful parenting whenever and wherever possible, so my recommendation is to try Dr. Sears' method of Nighttime Parenting. In the end, however, we each must use the style that best suits us as parents, and meets the needs of our children. There are many resources out there, and it's a good idea to take time and read the pros and cons of each method.

Another potential reason for exhaustion could be from your inability to sleep. For occasional insomnia, a nice warm bath and some down time before bed can help. Natural supplements such as melatonin can also help. For something stronger, over-the-counter medications like Unisom or a store brand equivalent can be very effective. (Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, so please speak to your physician before beginning any new medication or supplement, especially if you are pregnant or nursing!) Honestly, there are many causes of insomnia, and if you struggle with it chronically, I strongly encourage you to see your doctor and talk about it.

I have struggled with insomnia and fatigue for years. It wasn't until recently, however, that it reached a point that I needed to see a doctor about it. It was more than simply being tired from my baby waking up several times a night to nurse (though that can be VERY tiring!). It was a level of exhaustion that was affecting my memory, my ability to function, and making me a very cranky wife and mommy. It was also paired with chronic pain that also needed addressing. After taking a detailed history, doing some tests and asking a lot of questions, my doctor diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia, also known as Chronic Pain Syndrome and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I have been able to take some steps toward correcting my sleep issues (the pain issues will have to wait until my baby is weaned, unfortunately), and let me tell you, it has helped immensely!

Not all tired moms are going to be diagnosed with something serious, but if your fatigue goes beyond normal mommy tiredness, it's time to get some help.

At the end of the day, tiredness if going to happen when you're a mom; it's part and parcel of the gig. It helps to keep this in mind on those days when you are tired, cranky, and ready to turn in your notice of resignation to your kids. More than once, my personal mantra has been, "This too shall pass, this too shall pass, THIS TOO SHALL PASS!" These kiddos will only be little and wearing you out for a short time. I promise you, one day you'll look back and miss these days, so try to push past the exhaustion and keep loving those babies. That said, don't be afraid to ask for help when it gets out of control. Moms need rest too! I also encourage you to take some time to yourself from time to time. Rejuvenate yourself! I know it's much easier said than done, but taking time to focus on your own needs is healthy, and in the long run will make you a better mama. It can be something as special as treating yourself to a spa day, or as simple as relaxing on the couch with a good book every once in a while; whatever it is, enjoy the moment, and don't feel guilty!

If you have any prayer requests, even if it's not related to this post, please comment below. I would love the opportunity to pray for you and lift up your requests to the Lord. God bless you!

Your sister in Christ,