Early in my parenting career, anger and yelling were seen and heard often in my home. One day, as I heard myself screaming at my eldest child, it dawned on me that it was not getting me anywhere. It frightened my daughter, I always knew that, but fear was never a motivating force for her. So, why was I doing it? Did I really want to raise my children with bullying? I began to prayerfully consider subject, and in time God opened my eyes to my need for self-control. There I was, yelling at my child to control herself and behave, and yet I was completely out of control myself! We all know that leadership by example of the most effective leadership of all, but I think it tends to be left by the wayside when it comes to parenting.
After I realized the need to control myself, I asked the Lord to help me see the areas in my life where I needed to better control my anger. I began to see myself through my child's eyes, through my husband's eyes, through the eyes of everyone around me. I tried to keep this in mind as I went about daily life. James 1:19-20 became my personal verse! "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."
So, how can this be applied to parenting? First and foremost, we need to go to the Lord in prayer. Only God has the power to change hearts, and anger is nothing more than a heart issue. There also some practical tips that I have picked up over the years, that help me to keep my cool in the moment of frustration, when it is so easy to allow myself to lose control. I will share with you what I have learned.
Realize what you can control, and what you can't. Our children are just as human as we are. They are going to make poor choices, disappoint us, and disobey. We cannot make them obey. We can, however, control our own responses to each situation as it arises.
Remind yourself that they learn from you. Children are little sponges. We are reminded of this whenever they repeat something that we'd rather not hear from their sweet little mouths! But this doesn't just apply to things we say. They are watching our every move, and learning how to act based on the way they see us act. If we want them to have self-control and make good decisions, we ourselves must practice self-control and good decision-making skills!
Be consistent. I have learned first-hand the consequences of being inconsistent as a parent. When we make rules, we need to keep them. When boundaries are set, we need to enforce them. When a child disobeys, it needs to be addressed every single time. Kids always seem to remember the times when we let things slide, and it causes frustration for them when they are being sent mixed signals about what is expected of them.
Know when to walk away. There are times when we just can't control our anger, even when we are trying our best. We are human, after all! This is the time to walk away. More than once, I have gone into the bathroom and locked the door to give myself a few minutes to regain my cool. Having feelings of anger is not a bad thing - even Jesus became angry! How we handle that anger is where we can go wrong. I commend anyone who can recognize their triggers and know when to take a breather when needed.
Have an outlet. We all need to vent from time to time! Have a person you call call to talk with when things become overwhelming.
Refill your tank when it starts getting low. When we are overtired and overwhelmed, it's much easier to lose our temper. Being a mom is an on-call, never-ending, 24/7 job. It takes its toll over time, and wears away at our patience. Every so often, we need a chance to refill our tank; to do a little something for ourselves. Hire a babysitter, or have Daddy play with the kids for a while so you can take a break and do a little something for you! Go for a walk, go out with a friend, take a long bubble bath, indulge in a hobby, anything! Giving yourself some time to recharge your battery will make you a much happier mom!
If you have any prayer requests, even if it's not related to this post, please comment below. I would love the opportunity to pray for you and lift up your requests to the Lord. God bless you!
Your Sister in Christ,
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